When my Relationship wasn’t going well…

Hello World,

How do you evaluate your relationships? Are they supposed to just work out smooth sailing? Are they all remarkable as the ones you view on TV? I use to think so but I learned through years, sustainability of a relationship requires a lot of maintenance. It’s not something charming as seen on TV—at least not for all of us.  We have to learn through facing a lot of hurdles and heart aches and growing up. It’s an emotional Roller Coaster for some of us.  But as I matured, I learned that the key to progress in a relationship is communication, control of emotions, understanding, space and trust/commitment.

Freedom

I hope you are in a relationship with someone who is mature enough to understand that you need your freedom. You need to have your own goals, own aspirations, own money, and own education, which sums up to your own respect and identity. Many people are very dependent on their spouse/partners identity, wealth and respect. This dependency makes them grip to their partner 24/7. This means not only are you jeopardizing your freedom but you are distressing your partner’s freedom as well. Everyone needs space. When you experience something of the same for too long, the interest slowly disappears.

This is why, I am firm believer of growth. You need to grow continuously in order for your relationship to progress and I am not just saying growth in a sense of career development. Go learn something new, try new things, develop new hobbies and create new interests. This will not only keep your mind stimulated but motivate your partner as well.

Trust and Understanding

The significance to my last idea builds on trust and understanding. We must understand that our partners need and want to be trusted. We must also understand that our partners do not completely think like us. A change management theory suggests that a group of people can work towards the same end goal but the approach of the solution can be different for each individual. This is because they perceive the problem differently from each other. Hence, you and your partner may have the same end goal but approach the journey to the end goal differently.

Communication

This can be handled by good, transparent communication. You need to know your flaws from your partner’s point of view and accept them. Try to change your approach. For example, a passive person will not share until they can’t take it anymore, but a direct person will share everything without filter. Now if you put these two in an argument then the passive person will get hurt as the direct person is arguing without filter. However, I think once in a relationship everyone can argue/debate in peace. Peace to a good argument is good communication. Take your time. Understand why the other person is hurt and then communicate your side of the issue politely.

Commitment

The idea of commitment varies within different relationships, however there should be a general commitment established between the two. You have to communicate the dos and don’ts to each other. I am not saying establish where things are going but have a general idea of where you would like things to go. Some partners are insecure about the idea of providing security, if you really like this person then find out why this is. Often the case involves, past experiences. But it’s good to know where the emotions derive from to make an educated forecast for the future.

Don’t get too hurt. Nothing is set on stone and nothing is forever. You have to have the mindset that anything could happen. Everyone is growing daily and issues arise per circumstances. Therefore, anything could happen and there is no need to get over emotional. Keep your investments and expectations to a perimeter.

Feel free to reach out to acquire further insight…

Thank you,

DLA

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