First of all I don’t know how you all do it because a Long Distance Relationship (LDR – almost sounds like bad cholesterol LDL) is definitely not for me and I don’t recommend it to anyone else. But the people who have had success they know exactly what it means when I say you are great communicators! A long distance relationship will bring many hurdles and obstacles along the way. You will be missing key experiences and to compensate these obstacles you have to learn to be an excellent communicator.
I Know I key in fear of uncertainty a lot but not knowing what the future of the relationship is a major one in LDR. It’s hard getting to know a person in your own city, imagine someone living across the sea. So how do we solve this? No don’t write up a contract and make them PDF sign the document. Have a conversation about it. Be open! Let them know your expectations and find out where they want their life to be in the future. You should know if you want the same end goal.
Frames of Relationship A-H-M
- Frame A Relationship – This means you are clingy! If your partner leaves you even through involuntary separation (health problems) then you would break. In a Frame A relationship, the partners define their identity through the relationship.
- Frame H Relationship – This means you are in an open relationship! In this relationship the partners have separate bank accounts, locked rooms, hidden passwords and secrets. They can stand independently on their grounds and they don’t really need the other partner.
- Frame M Relationship – The ideal balanced frame. You are both independent but you rather work together to create the balance.
Unfortunately, in most Long distance relationships you are in a Frame A or Frame H relationship. Let’s see how we can stay away from this trap!
Transparency / Infidelity
Good news, research show, the idea of people cheating more when in a long distance relationship is completely false. However, it doesn’t take away the fact of a Frame H relationship, which means more secrets can be kept from the partner. Transparency and clarity is very important in a long distance relationship. Try to keep the communication everyday (Important). Give them the freedom to do whatever they want, yes even cheat! What?! I know, because there is no way you can stop that. But the partner should have the transparency to tell you if a situation as such arises. Don’t make it difficult for them to speak to you, or shy away from this conversation.
Did you read what I wrote? Just because they are far and you can’t track their every step, that doesn’t mean they are sleeping with someone else! I know the emotion is hard to control. You have a partner far away and you don’t know what they are doing tonight! I mean they said they were going to bed at 10:00 pm on a Friday night but are they really? Can you even trust them? I mean what if they are talking to someone right now while they are texting you or even worse, what if they are meeting someone else far more attractive, who they exchanged a smile with in the bar last night?!! What if they found someone else?!
Okay stop it! Remember if they have those options then you do as well. No falling in the Frame A category ladies and gents! Your world does not revolve around them and you are not dependant on them. You don’t have to track them like a spy, that’s not a relationship! They have their freedom and you do as well. The key thing to remember is to have transparent conversations and having your own life and sharing it transparently with them. This will build up trust. Talk to them every day and ask them about their day, tell them about your day. Also, communicate the expectations of the relationship. If you don’t like certain things then tell them.
Reaction / Miscommunication / Control
Spending majority of their time apart unavoidably causes long distance partners to lead lives that are noticeably separate and not necessarily similar in quality to one another. Respond, don’t react! Miscommunication is a huge LDR issue. A long email, text can be easily misinterpreted as you can’t view the other side’s facial expression. When you come across a situation as such that offends or upsets you then ask them before reacting to the situation. Trust me, most times then didn’t mean what you read! To avoid this completely, have video chats. Set up Skype dates every day or every two days. It will give you the feel for how they speak and what their jokes are like.
Don’t be Boring! Be Exciting!
Why would they even need to cheat if your conversations are mysterious and exciting? The big obstacle is no Sex! No physical interactions, intimacy, not being able to see facial expression or meet whenever for that warm hug! And social media doesn’t help you on this. You are on their Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, Whatsapp, Skype etc constantly updating your life. After an entire day of update what else do you have to share for a good conversation? Save some mystery, let them find out and get to know you. Ask more questions! Teach them something! Be creative! Make sure you are comfortable with your sexuality. Spice it up! Keep it exciting and compliment them.
Depression / Have your own Identity…
Have fun! If you have your own life and identity and working on your own goals then you will always have something to talk about. This will keep both parties motivated and excited about one another. Many suffer psychological problems such as anxiety, stress, and depression when in a LDR. The best way to avoid the trap is by networking and going out with friends to maintain your own social life. Keep yourself busy and always working.
Long distance relationship has many down falls and a never ending list of issues. However, the best tool in this relationship is the technique of communication. Partners in LDR can engage more profoundly than other relationships. They can connect in thoughtful intellectual conversations and build a deeper meaningful connection.
Let’s connect! 🙂