Would you do it—leave your disabled child or old parents? No, not when it’s mandatory to leave them for better care or treatment but leave them permanently because you can’t handle the responsibility? Is it not selfish? I mean someone kept you in their womb for 9 months enduring pain and critical health implications. After that they raised you to the best of their ability, keeping all your needs in mind. Maybe they weren’t the best parents. They couldn’t fulfill all your needs. They reacted too quickly and expected too much. But just like you (one day), it was their first shot at parenting. They learnt how to be a parent hands on with each phase of your life.
Studies show estimated 303, 000 women die from complications related to pregnancy or childbirth. In addition, for every woman who dies in childbirth, dozens more suffer injury, infection or disease. Why would any woman go through this process when they understand their risk of survival? Because they want you in their life. They guide you through this big, dirty, complicated world as they have faced their fair share of it. They want you to experience how beautiful life is. They are attached to you as you are a physical part of them. Then my question is, why throw away someone who is a part of you? They have always been there for you at your most vulnerable times, they don’t’ shy away from that responsibility. Then why not be there for them when they need your assistance at their most vulnerable position? You most likely don’t remember the small details from your childhood, but you can only imagine how many times you got sick and your parents took care of you when you were a child.
As parents become old and or when you find out your child is diagnosed with a disability, you start feeling mixed emotions. When it comes to disable child, the first phase of emotions a parent goes through is denial. You feel guilt, you think you are letting the parent or the child down. That this could have been prevented if only you took more care. You feel shame, there is a bunch of judgemental people out there to tell you it’s your fault or pity your situation. When you feel your family members are reliant on you completely with health, mobility and or interaction, you feel a sense of loss. You feel anger, why you? You already have other responsibilities. Not only does it take away time you set aside for yourself but it’s a stab on your finances as well. You start thinking of the future and feel anxiety, you feel how will this situation impact the other family members especially your children—will their childhood be jeopardized, will they feel neglected because you are spending all your time taking care of your old parents/disabled child? Uncertainty always promotes fear, but that does not mean you can’t handle the responsibility.
It’s not easy! Aren’t enough people to tell you that. You’re emotions are 100% normal. It takes time to process uncertainty. You have to take a step back and feel all your emotions. It’s okay to feel all the phases of emotions, starting from denial, guilt, failure, anxiety, anger. Read and connect with others who are in your situation. You always need friends to talk about your circumstances. Learn how to better manage the situation. Always make sure your parents and child know you are there with them. Give them activities to keep them busy, make them feel loved. Face reality, accept the situation you are in. Stay in a positive environment, cut out all negativity. You will learn from your situation then you ever will with any other. Taking care of the parent or child will evolve you to be a better version of yourself.
Don’t forget to buy your mother Roses on Mothers day!